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 Proposal made. Proposal accepted. It's time for a wedding. Whether you've
always dreamed of a big church affair with lots of flowers and frills or you want a simple
ceremony with a few friends, there's a lot to be done.
As most prospective brides and grooms soon discover, orchestrating the perfect day
requires more than simply finding a great reception site and deciding what the bridesmaids
and groomsmen will wear. It requires a thoughtful look at what the couple holds dear.
First Things First
Putting things in perspective is important. "I always tell my clients that it's
really a matter of priorities," says Jan Niemann, owner of Creative Impressions by
Jan in Minneapolis. Niemann, who bills herself as a floral designer, decorator, and
special-events consultant and coordinator, helps her clients establish their wedding
priorities. Should they hire the best photographer they can afford? Or is it more
important to have a live band at the reception? Do they want to invite everyone they know?
Or will a more intimate wedding allow them certain extravagances? "Most people cannot
have every whim that comes along," Neimann says. "Nor should they, because they
don't all fit together properly. My job is to point out the pros and cons and to introduce
new ideas."
With or without the help of a consultant, couples eventually hit on just the right mix for
their event. It may be based on the bride's long-held visions of her wedding day or a
compromise of the couple's goals. Along the way, finances, time frames, locale,
personalities, and age are some of the elements that factor into the final affair.
And while weddings are as individual as the people who plan them, the wedding a bride
plans at age twenty-two is likely to be different from the wedding she would plan at
forty-two. "The older bride is a little more decisive about what she wants. She has
established her style and taste a lot more," says Ann Mulfort, co-owner of Dream
Weddings in St. Paul. "The younger bride might be more influenced by advertising and
[parents]. She just doesn't have her style established as much.
"I don't mean to make that sound negative," stresses Mulfort, who has been
planning weddings for five years. "It's the way I was at that age too."
Niemann agrees. "I think a lot of times with the younger bride, it's a little bit
more of a Cinderella wedding, and she is usually much more influenced by her mother or
future mother-in-law," she says.
"The more mature--what I consider to be the [career-focused]-bride and groom usually
want it to be more meaningful, more purposeful. They have different priorities,"
Neimann adds, noting that these couples often try to get their friends and families more
involved in the ceremony. "It's not just a big party with all of their friends."
Fine-tuning the Tone
To Edina residents Judy Fesenmaier, age forty, and Brian Williams, forty-eight, family
involvement was crucial in their wedding plans. Five months after Brian proposed on a
beach in Hawaii, the couple tied the knot last July on a mountain peak in Big Sky,
Montana,surrounded by family members. "I encouraged people to gather for a
weeklong [get-together], and we threw a wedding in the middle of it," says
Fesenmaier, who was married in shorts, a T-shirt, and hiking boots. "We knew exactly
what we wanted."
Fesenmaier, who never wanted to be married in a church, says their primary goal was an
intimate outside wedding. But getting her family together was also essential after her
father's death the previous year. "The secondary thing that was very important to me
was pulling my family together under happier
circumstances for more than just an afternoon wedding," she says. "It was five
days of fun. We stayed together. We ate together. We played together."
But no two brides--and no two weddings--are alike. "My girls are all very
different," says three-time mother-of-the-bride Mary Esau of Edina. Her three
daughters had fairly traditional, but rather distinct, weddings. "Each of the
weddings was very special in its own way," Esau says. "I think they were really
pleased with how everything turned out."
Her eldest, Diane Knippenberg, now thirty, was married four years ago. "[Diane]
wanted a very traditional wedding," says Esau, who contributed the
same amount of money to each wedding. "My oldest daughter really watched how she
spent her money and where she could cut costs and yet keep it a very
traditional wedding. She wanted it to be pretty elegant and to be able to invite all the
people that she wanted to be there." Her reception included a
dance with a disc jockey.
Esau's second daughter, Sheila Getz, twenty-seven, kept her 1995 wedding more simple,
choosing a smaller church and reception site, no dance, and a shorter guest list.
"Her style was more casual," Esau says.
And her youngest, Leslie Prondzinski, twenty-six, "went the extra mile on
everything," Esau says. Prondzinski added a number of special/ouches to her
May 1996 event, such as a prewedding thank-you luncheon, an old-fashioned car for the
bride and groom, predinner piano music, and a live band.
For Prondzinski, having good music and a reception that was open, bright, and lively were
important objectives. "Good music makes the party," she says. "To me, money
wasn't that big of an issue. This was going to be done once in my life, and I wanted it to
be done a certain way."
Working Together
For some brides and grooms, weddings come together in a series of compromises as they dive
into the planning process, so having clear priorities is important. "I am the first
child in my family to get married," says Stillwater bride-to-be Dana Walfoort,
twenty-six, whose mother and future mother-in-law are both helping with the details.
"I want [my wedding] to be a lot of fun," Walfoort says. "I've been in
other weddings that have been really stressful, and everyone wants to get it over with. I
just want to enjoy the day and really enjoy the fact that I'm [getting] married."
Although she has been willing to bend on a number of details for her April 1997 wedding,
she stood firm on those that were most important to her. "I was adamant about not
being photographed before the ceremony," she stresses, noting that she is willing to
forgo having a lot of photographs taken in the church as a result.
Just as each couple plans their day based on their personal preferences and priorities,
they also make choices about who will be involved in the planning process. "Moms, I
think, are becoming a little more savvy. They tended before to try to run the whole show,
and that seemed to create a lot of tension," says Mulfort of Dream Weddings.
"Whereas now I hear from a lot of moms, `Well, my friends tell me not to be too
involved and just let her have her own day."'
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Planning
